Seasonal Adjustment

I’m allowing myself a little slack here in the dog days of July and August; excessive heat tends to randomize the syntactic patterns of my little grey cells, and I have learned to be wary of attempting ambitious cogitative efforts under such conditions, as they often go badly wrong, with unpredictable results. Readers, therefore, will most likely notice a temporary dropoff in both quantity and quality as I withdraw, at least partially, into estivation here in Wellfleet (this is going to consist of lolling on beaches, swimming in ponds, imbibing libations cooling and potent, and thinking shallow and largely non-sequential thoughts).

Once the brisk northwesterly breezes of autumn begin to sweep the sky clear of summer’s stultifying vapors, and cooler conditions permit the necessary intracranial phase transition, things will get back to normal around here. Until then, there may be occasional service interruptions, and such postings as do appear may tend toward the most insubstantial sort of froth and japery.

As a matter of fact, here’s some now. I found this cautionary note in my inbox the other day, from comedian Kip Addotta:

Wal-Mart Scam Warning from Kip Addotta

Two stunning 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your purchases into the trunk. They both start cleaning your windshield with a cloth and some Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer a tip, they say “No” and, instead, ask for a ride to another store. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way there they start making out with each other. Then one of them climbs in the front seat and starts touching you all over, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, yesterday, and most likely again tomorrow.

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