Public Service Announcement

For those of you who haven’t heard, your astrological sign may not be what you thought it was. Here are the correct assignments, valid until further notice.

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Please adjust your personal and financial arrangements accordingly.


  1. Oh great. I used to be a fish; now I’m a water-boy. I suppose that’s some sort of progress …

    I’ll postpone my celebration until I’m starting quarterback.

    Posted January 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm | Permalink
  2. the one eyed man says

    If you get kicked out of your astrological sign, should you feel like you’ve been demoted? Or is it like not getting picked for the school play? Are you supposed to have a personality shift so you’re a better member of your new group? I think this will be very difficult for a lot of people.

    I don’t personally believe in astrology, but skepticism is a common trait of Libras.

    Posted January 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm | Permalink
  3. You can probably alleviate some of your skepticism at the library.

    Posted January 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm | Permalink
  4. the one eyed man says

    Thanks, no. My mind is made up. I’m not interested in being confused by facts.

    Posted January 14, 2011 at 8:35 pm | Permalink
  5. I hear that.

    Posted January 14, 2011 at 9:01 pm | Permalink
  6. Kevin Kim says

    Thank goodness I’m a Leo now. I was sick of being a Virgo. Of course, in Korean astrology, I’m still a rooster. Or COCK, as the paper place mats in the Chinese restaurants like to say.

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 1:23 am | Permalink
  7. Is this thread turning into a pissing contest?

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 10:58 am | Permalink
  8. the one eyed man says

    A cock? I thought that was an owl. Maybe it’s just a cock that stays up all night.

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 11:24 am | Permalink
  9. This shift was fated to happen.

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm | Permalink
  10. “… stays up all night.”

    Yup; it’s a pissing contest.

    Wishful thinking, Peter?

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 6:19 pm | Permalink
  11. JK says

    I checked Malcolm (thanks for Bastardi incidentally) the changes are only sed for Eastern (or Sidereal) astrology enthusiasts – for Western astrology, the signs remain the same.

    But this shouldn’t be taken as a downer for those whose Western outlook for the day looks like a perfect excuse to stay in bed (unless staying in bed is the rosiest of outlooks) just skip over to the Sideral methodology. Personally I’d suggest, believe whichever promises the better chance of buying the winning lottery ticket.

    Either way, my bet is, each probably works better than the rhythm method.

    Posted January 15, 2011 at 11:56 pm | Permalink
  12. the one eyed man says

    Henry: of course not. I have an unusually large penis. (Thick, too.) This magnificent apparatus does not have “no mas” in its vocabulary. In addition, I can lick my eyebrows. This combination of attributes enables me to drive women to levels of ecstasy unparalleled in the history of womanhood.

    Let’s just say that although I went to school at Amherst, my varsity sweatshirt has a big F on the front.

    Posted January 16, 2011 at 10:48 am | Permalink
  13. Malcolm says

    OK, gentlemen.

    Posted January 16, 2011 at 12:40 pm | Permalink
  14. Franciscan School of Theology in Californicatia?

    Posted January 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm | Permalink
  15. the one eyed man says

    The Church of Squeaky Bedsprings.

    Posted January 16, 2011 at 4:17 pm | Permalink
  16. Sounds like TheBigPeter does most of your thinking, too.

    Posted January 16, 2011 at 11:22 pm | Permalink
  17. JK says

    Oh dear TheBigHenry, sounds like you’re becoming enamored.

    I guess such a described Peter can do that. But, back in the olden days of yore when I was beseeching “Lovely Laura” a blog was unheard of and “the ‘Net was only a metaphor.”

    Fortunately for me, the ‘Net of electronics wasn’t a metaphor – unfortunately for her “the ‘Net of unsecured collateralerlyzed mortgage derivatives” was.

    Dear Gawd, had I then been able to tongue-slick my eyebrows, Lovely Laura and the Nation needn’t have gone through this.

    Why oh why hadn’t anyone noticed Peter had been switched at birth from a Libra to a Scipio?

    Posted January 17, 2011 at 5:26 am | Permalink
  18. I’m no expert, JK, but I think “Scorpio” makes more sense in this context. Scipio was a leader of men.

    Posted January 17, 2011 at 10:08 am | Permalink
  19. the one eyed man says

    Why was I switched at birth? A question best answered by my parents, Jor-El and Lara.

    Posted January 17, 2011 at 12:25 pm | Permalink
  20. the one eyed man says

    Tough crowd here tonight. How are you folks all doing? Anybody from out of town?

    Posted January 17, 2011 at 1:20 pm | Permalink
  21. JK says

    No, TheBigHenry, the “Scipio” was intentional. Widen your horizons and read some biography not contained in Wikipedia.

    Posted January 18, 2011 at 3:28 am | Permalink
  22. Town of Scipio Cayuga County, NY?

    Posted January 18, 2011 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

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