A Modest Proposal

Today, February 2nd, is Groundhog Day. As usual, the world waited atip for Punxsutawney Phil’s climatic prognosis. According to legend, as I am sure most of you know, when the hirsute haruspex sees his shadow, we are in for six more weeks of winter. And as so often happens, this morning the news was bad yet again, and the blameless denizens of the world’s temperate zones were condemned once more to prolonged and unnecessary suffering. All because of a bloody groundhog.

But there is a simple solution, based on an elementary utilitarian calculation, that seems to have been overlooked by all. Take the overweening little rodent by the scruff of the neck and scoop out his beady little eyeballs with a clam knife. From that day forward, Blind Phil’s world might be as umbrageous as the spreading pall of Vesuvius, but would he see his shadow? I think not.

Wow, the phone lines are already jammed. No need to thank me, folks. Just doing my job.

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2 Comments

  1. the one eyed man says

    Or you could be in the San Francisco Bay Area, where it is currently 63 sunny degrees (Schadenfreude is such an enjoyable thing) —

    Congratulations on a great review of pubsub in today’s Wall Street Journal —

    Posted February 2, 2006 at 4:41 pm | Permalink
  2. Malcolm says

    Hi Peter,

    Yes, the San Francisco climate suits me fine. I especially like the cool summers. If I had apartments in New York and Hell, I’d spend the summers in Hell.

    And yes, that was indeed a nice mention in the Journal today. Thanks.

    Posted February 2, 2006 at 5:15 pm | Permalink