Motus Mentis

Today, February 2nd, is Groundhog Day. As usual, the world waited atip for Punxsutawney Phil’s climatic prognosis. According to legend, as I am sure most of you know, when the hirsute haruspex sees his shadow, we are in for six more weeks of winter. And as so often happens, this morning the news was bad yet again, and the blameless denizens of the world’s temperate zones were condemned once more to prolonged and unnecessary suffering. All because of a bloody groundhog.

But there is a simple solution, based on an elementary utilitarian calculation, that seems to have been overlooked by all. Take the overweening little rodent by the scruff of the neck and scoop out his beady little eyeballs with a clam knife. From that day forward, Blind Phil’s world might be as umbrageous as the spreading pall of Vesuvius, but would he see his shadow? I think not.

Wow, the phone lines are already jammed. No need to thank me, folks. Just doing my job.