From this evening’s Borowitz Report:
Yankees Sign Iraqi Hurler
Shoe-throwing Right-hander Impresses Scouts
In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.
The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush.
While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws “had great velocity and good movement,” said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.
“The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the middle,” Mr. Steinbrenner said.
The Yankee boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi’s fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him.
“That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston,” he said.