If you are like me, you will, on extremely rare occasions, find yourself having had a great deal to drink the night before, and greeting the day with a challenging “hangover”. I have done a little independent research into this predicament over the years, and believe I have settled on the right approach to it. Having just recommended it to a friend, I’d thought I ought to share it with all of you.

The thing that gives a first-class hangover its bite, its existential awfulness, is dehydration, largely due to the diuretic effect of alcohol. When, years ago, I heard about the recommended solution used by relief organizations for the treatment of severe dehydration due to dysentery, etc, it occurred to me that it might be effective for this particular form of elective suffering as well, and indeed it was.

The mixture is prepared as follows:

Into a quart of water, stir eight tablespoons of sugar, and one teaspoon of salt. Drink as much as you can.

If you have a headache, add two or three aspirin (NOT Tylenol, unless you want to end up like Mickey Mantle). If your stomach is bad, take three Alka-Seltzer instead.

You will feel better, and may even wish to carry on living.


  1. the one eyed man says

    I can attest to the salutary effects of water, but why eight tablespoons of sugar? Isn’t there sugar in alcohol?

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 2:58 pm | Permalink
  2. pdg says

    I’ve found the best course is to nip it in the bud.

    Before going to bed eat some buttered toast – good to absorb what you’ve drunk -Then
    drink as much water as you are able with 2 alka-seltzers, a multi-vitamine and a little bottle of ginsing/royal honey…

    ya may need to check the plumbing before you go to bed – but the next AM is a snap!

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 4:04 pm | Permalink
  3. JK says

    pdg, I think you’re onto something, that “royal honey thing” anyway. But sometimes the occasional disabled fellow is less able to procure that royal honey and must, as you suggest make do with buttered toast. But doggone, sugared and salted water does seem to work pretty good, so long as one doesn’t drench the sheets in the attempt.

    Any and all responses are welcolm, perhaps not to Malcolm, but what the hell, he’s only occupying space on the www. I’m gonna have a hangover in twelve or so hours.

    Yes “One-Eye” there was sugar somewhere, but I think my currently occurring “yeast-infection” deleted, or is in the process of deleting same.

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 5:54 pm | Permalink
  4. I’ll have to try this tomorrow morning . . . if I can just convince my wife to let me get stinking drunk tonight.

    For some obscure reason, she usually says no.

    Jeffery Hodges

    * * *

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 6:20 pm | Permalink
  5. JK says

    Well at least Jeff, you’ll have the “royal honey” nearby. I make do with memory.

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 6:30 pm | Permalink
  6. Malcolm says

    Isn’t it “royal jelly“?

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 11:24 pm | Permalink
  7. Malcolm says

    That’s interesting, JK: both Firefox and IE render your “www” as a hyperlink, even though it contains no markup at all.

    How slipshod.

    Posted March 6, 2009 at 11:27 pm | Permalink
  8. JK says

    Well Malcolm,

    I’m running a “Hillbilly Computer” on a “Hillbilly Network.” What might appear as not worthy of hyperlinks to ya’ll on the East Coast is perfectly normal in the Ozarks. Though it probably doesn’t work for you: here – when we click it – links us to handy stuff like “body part” enlargements or tightenings.

    Not that we’re interested of course… the links usually ask for something called a credit card number. Except for the one lady in our “Laundry Room Mafia” none of the rest of us know what the hell a credit card number is. Just guessing here but I think it has something to do with her frequent trips to the casinos (casinii?) in Tunica.

    I think she’s part Native American.

    Posted March 7, 2009 at 10:24 am | Permalink

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