I’ve been so busy of late spewing vile, reactionary, hate-filled, racist poison (or simple common sense, depending upon your point of view), that I have neglected another topic of critical import and urgency: butt-ugly deep-sea fishes.
No longer. Tonight I invite you to contemplate the stupefyingly unlovely Psychrolutes marcidus, known to bathypiscophiles the world over (you know who you are) as the incomparable Blobfish. Here he is:
This cheery little fellow lives in the deep water off Australia and Tasmania. You can see at once that he has a natural buoyancy, but what you probably didn’t know is that he achieves it not as most fish do, with an air bladder, but by virtue of a body made almost entirely of a viscous goo, with a density slightly less than that of water.
Unlike we bitter wretches who moil for gold here above, scratching a meager living from the stony soil, the Blob-fish lives a life of comfort and ease in the inky depths. Lacking, due to his gelatinous constitution, any muscle to speak of, he wallows in place without a care, dining on whatever floats by. Small wonder that he has such a merry twinkle in his eye!
Before we say goodbye, let’s peek in on our little friend one last time, as he waits happily for a tasty snack to drift his way: a juicy little worm, perhaps, or a nice piece of whale poo.
Au revoir, M. Blob-fish! Bon appétit!