Yesterday, June 12th, the lovely Nina and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary.
Given that so many marriages fall apart these days, that’s a pretty good streak — and as the years lengthen, I’m asked from time to time just how we’ve managed it. I’ve given it a lot of thought.
There are of course all the obvious tips: don’t marry for the wrong reasons; be slow to anger and quick to forgive; stand up for the things that really matter to you and give way cheerfully on everything else; and so on. There are other things, too, that are less obvious, that you learn over time. And there’s luck involved as well, no question: people change as they grow older, and sometimes the two who stood at the altar deeply in love simply aren’t around any more, twenty years later. There’s lots and lots more — I could probably write a book about it.
But a couple of years ago something occurred to me that I think is a very important part of why Nina and I are still so happy together after all this time — and once it struck me, I began to think that it’s probably an essential component of any long and happy marriage. This is going to sound flippant, but it isn’t: I’m 100% serious about this one, and if you think about it, you’ll understand why it makes such a difference.
Here it is:
We’ve always agreed, I think entirely without exception, about whether so-and-so is an asshole.
8 Comments
My sincere and heartfelt congratulations to both of you.
One question though – how the hell do both you and Nina know my divorce lawyer?
Before I introduced you to Nina, I told her about the asshole thing. So she had fair warning.
Happy anniversary!
Marriage calls to mind wedding rings… which in turn reminds me that the words annulus and anus are etymologically related. (Please be careful as to which gets worn on the finger.)
Anyway, congratulations — and many happy returns.
Congratulations, Malcolm!
Assuming that the person you both agree is an asshole is you, I have it on good authority (Roissy) that chicks dig assholes. So there’s the secret to your marriage…
Congrats, Malcolm.
As for the object of your secret, I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.
Thanks all!
Perhaps I wasn’t clear, though, Dennis:
We agree about who, among the people we meet, is an asshole. I’ll have to amend that.
Congratulations, Malcolm. I’m glad to have inadvertently assisted in keeping your marriage together.
Jeffery Hodges
* * *
As I launched into your post I began muttering, “Don’t forget ‘luck'” but then you got to it as well. In fact, the more I think about it ‘luck’ or ‘chance’, either good or bad, seems to be the major part of life which, dammit, takes me back to the post above this that I skipped through because it made my brain hurt!
Anyway, 29 years of undetected crime, well done!