Motus Mentis

Some takeaways from the President’s speech just now:

1) Assad has achieved moral equivalence with Hitler, but we will leave him in power.

2) It is morally imperative that we use our incomparable military power to set an example here, so that despots the world over will never again dare to use gas to do their slaughtering. Therefore we must strike hard; no “pinpricks” for us. The world must fear our wrath!

2a) No “boots on the ground”, though. Jeez, somebody could get hurt.

3) If we degrade the Assad regime’s assets with some serious, non-pinpricky bombing, it will weaken al-Qaeda too! That’s because it actually strengthens al-Qaeda when Assad slaughters them en masse with poison gas and then doesn’t get bombed afterwards by us. Betcha didn’t know that.

4) Anyway, I’ve decided that we’ll do nothing for now, because maybe confiscating poison gas a few weeks after it’s been deployed against a dictator’s own people is a pretty good way to go, too. We’re just going to check that out for a while, and we’ll get back to you. But don’t forget: wrath!

5) People on the left are totally into freedom and dignity, and really hate to see children (did I mention children?) writhing and dying on the floor. (From gas, anyway. Kind of “meh” otherwise.)

6) My “friends” on the right, on the other hand, mostly just like blowing shit up. (That’s the difference between good folks like us and people “on the right”, by the way — in case, like me, you had never actually met or spoken to any of them until very recently.) This means they can get on board, too! Something for everyone here, folks.