The Road To Perdition

An old friend, who lives in California, writes:

I spent hours on New Year’s Day attending online traffic school, and only passed by the skin of my teeth, as there was a serious language/grammar/thinking gap between me and the authors of the course. Here are just a few examples. I would have spent hours more if I’d transcribed any significant fraction of what was on offer.

Here are the examples he sent, all transcribed exactly as written:

‣   Having water and food will also come in handy should your vehicle brake down and have to wait a considerable period for health.

‣   There is a chance you may encounter some form of sickness during your trip.

‣   Leaving the appropriate between you and other cars on the road while allow the room to move in and out as need be to avoid accidents.

‣   These conditions may occur if you drive in the sun for too long.
”” headaches and affect your driving

‣   It is estimated that there are 211,000 drivers in the country. About 1/4th or nearly 50,000 (48,000) were killed in traffic accidents.

‣   Male drivers were involved in 80% of the traffic accidents in California
Nationwide, female drivers were involved in more accidents than men overall. In 2009, 23.5% of female drivers were involved in accidents.

‣   Usually people that make turns in wrong lanes or the wrong time are the ones causing a collision.

‣   Avoid making U-turns when you don’t have the right of way. Unlawful U-turns may have severe consequences, especially when you collide with vehicles larger than yours.

‣   All drivers will have the right-of-way on the road at some point or another.

‣   When you choose to ignore stop signs or red traffic lights, you are more likely to cause traffic accidents that can not only hurt you, but other drivers and pedestrians.

‣   You should not constantly honk your horn incessantly.

‣   Again do not use your horn as a tool to agitate others on the road. This can be very problematic and cause unnecessary problems for you on the road.

‣   It is very important that you have a spare time in your vehicle.

‣   As it is known as the emergency brake, it should be used in such situations where the computer system in the car brakes down totally.

‣   If you must use the parking brake in an emergency, never pull the lever too hard or you will lose.

‣   There have been many horror stories concerning people with broken down cars who have accepted the help of strangers with bad intentions.

‣   The horn is a very important component of your vehicle. You can use it:
””when your angry

‣   Another valuable skill for drivers is the ability to be able to turn a car in any specific direction.

‣   You cannot make a U-turn on a one-way road.

‣   You should perform three-point turns on busy streets.

6 Comments

  1. JK says

    Hey Peter.

    I told you, you might remember, to ACH your DL renewal before it expired.

    I see on the news today “No Worries” – just tell ’em you stole the Tesla/Prius and California’s *taxpayers* will manage the paperwork.

    Posted January 4, 2015 at 1:59 am | Permalink
  2. How was he able to transcribe so exactly? Did he secretly take cell-phone pics of the questions? Does he have an eidetic memory? My questions aside, some of those items are real howlers.

    Posted January 4, 2015 at 6:52 am | Permalink
  3. the one eyed man says

    Hey JK.

    No ACH for the DMV. You have to bring a paper check when you show up for the eye exam.

    No Prius and no Tesla. I hate the Prius. It’s like driving a bumper car. I would love to have a Tesla Model S – specifically the one in burgundy with tan leather seats – but only as a second car. I have to drive to Sacramento for business, and I like to play golf at Pebble Beach, and both are far enough away that I would risk running out of juice on the way back.

    I saw what should be the Arkansas state motto: Litterasy ain’t everything.

    http://news.distractify.com/beth-buczynski/sarcastic-state-mottos/

    Posted January 4, 2015 at 1:42 pm | Permalink
  4. Californicatia: “Where America’s dreamers settle for doing porn.”

    Posted January 4, 2015 at 3:54 pm | Permalink
  5. Dom says

    Do you think this was written by an immigrant, whose English is a second language? Or by a young college graduate? I sort of hope it’s the former.

    Posted January 4, 2015 at 9:12 pm | Permalink
  6. Malcolm says

    Don’t know, Dom. But if that’s the output of a college graduate, abandon all hope.

    Posted January 6, 2015 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

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