Saw this on the supermarket shelf the other day:
We are now twice removed from reality — not just ersatz pepperoni, but ersatz pepperoni made, in turn, of ersatz turkey. (And to add a frisson of horror: that awful, missing ‘e’.)
But wait: is there such a thing as mock tofu? Nay, the mind recoils from such infinities; this way madness lies.
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Vegetarians often seem to be on a quest to reincorporate meat into their lives–the simulated version if not the real thing. It’s enough to make one wonder why those vegetarians don’t just drop the vegetarianism, avoid the simulacra, and simply eat meat.
Aunt Voula: What do you mean he don’t eat no meat? [the entire room stops, in shock]. Oh, that’s okay. I make lamb.
Well gang I stick to reality. That picture has set off a fierce desire in me for a pepperoni pizza. Real pepperoni.
“But wait: is there such a thing as mock tofu?”
I think you just did mock tofu.
Jeffery Hodges
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